isolated, these organisms appear to be slow moving and
non-aggressive. It has subsequently been discovered that they
will begin a period of frenetic activity (BYTE FRENZY) as the
model railway is prepared for exhibition. They will
then desperately attack numerous components of the model
in order to complete their reproductive
The life cycle of this organism explains why previously
completely reliable models are unable to operate for the next
exhibition without first undergoing very difficult and lengthy maintenance. Even
transformers can be invaded by these creatures, which are virtually
impossible to exterminate due to their Hornby/Triang molecular structure.
There is strong evidence that the existence of Vermis modellonix
been known to a few model railway owners for some time.
There are reports coming in, as yet unsubstantiated, that some
exhibitors have been breeding and disseminating this
organism to rivals for many years.
Continued research is being conducted
by County Gate research workers to find methods of eradicating this pest. Until then, all
Vermis modellonix found in model railways must be taken
home and contained to prevent further spread of this global
problem. We suggest releasing them into pizza layouts, where the
damage is therefore inconsequential. Alternatively, they can be sent
to the USA, (C.O. NORAD, Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado
Springs, Colo.) where they might sufficiently damage US weapons
control systems that they bomb themselves.
ensure that your railway will operate correctly during exhibitions,
(or when someone from Railway Modeller comes to see it), we MUST keep all captured Bytes away from model
within the curtilage of our homes. To
prevent any possible escape, we must
keep them very contented. Remember,
is not just for Christmas. Your Byte can be kept stimulated by
placing it near a source of electro-magnetic radiation, such as your
TV, microwave, pacemaker or computer. Show you love your Byte by
letting it watch TV on your lap, or let it sit on your CD while you
sing along to your favourite tune. Bytes hate being lonely, so if
you have to go out without them, let them play with your other pets,
but ABSOLUTELY keep them away from goldfish. (Our
animal behaviourist is still too upset to say exactly what
happened). Bytes love to travel particularly if
you visit nuclear weapons systems, early warning radars,
intensive care units, or air-traffic control
1. Do not
place Bytes near fax machines or they will
send themselves and escape.
2. Do not
place Bytes near photocopiers or they will
Cover all computer and modem ports with duct tape
as otherwise they will escape into cyberspace.
At all costs
We have managed to decipher some
Byte language which may help you to control and love your Byte.
"Pizza layout dinner"...................................1011011011010110100011111
"leave the Goldfish alone!"..................101001011101000111101110101001000111101111011110110
Note: The County Gate research director is unable to take e-mails on correct
pronunciation at present. We are working with Berlitz to produce a
set of tapes as soon as possible.
issued by the Advanced Research
Centre at County Gate from a secret location somewhere
near Lynton, Devon.